what do we get from a good enough life

I1953, UK Pediatrician and psychoanalyst DW Winnicott began writing about the idea of ​​”good enough” parenting—a term he coined that is still well known today. According to Winnicott, after infancy, babies no longer need parents who are tirelessly responsive or self-sacrificing. In fact, he writes, a parent’s reduced “positive adjustment” to their child’s needs over time is key to development. In doing so, they teach their children to “explain failure” and “tolerate the consequences of frustration”—both skills necessary at an early age, as anyone who has watched a baby learn to crawl knows.

in his latest book good enough life, scholar and writing lecturer Avram Alpert fundamentally broadens Winnicott’s idea of ​​good enough, turning it into a full-blown ideology. Alpert sees good enough as a necessary substitute for “great thinking,” or the dual belief that everyone has the right to begin “individually greatness,” and that a few can elevate the mediocre. Adam Smith’s invisible hand of capital is an example of great thinking; so is its later analogue, trickle-down economics. The same goes for many forms of ambition: wanting to win a National Book Award, start a revolution, turn your divided and unequal country into a Marxist utopia, or make a sex tape that makes you famous.

Alpert isn’t asking his readers to give up on their goals entirely, but he does ask us to admit that being the next Kim Kardashian or creating a workers’ paradise is unlikely. He also believes that being too obsessed with such dreams, at the expense of smaller or partial ones, will make us both practically and morally fail: it would be selfish for him to work only for such a drastic change, Especially on a political level. They may not be possible. So instead of aiming for greatness, Alpert asks us to accept setbacks and limitations as an inevitable—sometimes beneficial or beautiful—part of human life.

Alpert divides his book into sections exploring the ways we can look good enough in ourselves, our relationships, our societies, and our efforts to mitigate climate change. His vision for a good-enough world in which “goodness (including decency, meaning, and dignity) is enjoyed by all and Adequate (including high-quality food, clothing, shelter, and healthcare)” — uplifting, but otherwise, his views on politics and global warming tend to lean largely toward summaries of others’ analyses or Arguing. It’s fair because he’s a philosopher rather than a political or environmental scientist, but it’s not particularly interesting either. His discussion of good enough self and good enough relationships, while also a conversation with other thinkers, is more Innovative and therefore more exciting. I find them useful as well. His argument for not sticking to a single standard of greatness, but to a seemingly loose argument of kindness and standard enough, as paradoxical as it may seem, But it leads to a more determined way of living.

Meterany thoughts on alpert Regarding being good enough and being good enough, he just asks his readers to be a little more patient and less selfish. He argues that great thinking teaches us to defend our ideas, time, and convenience above all else. It shows that anyone who wants to excel must hoard time and energy and ignore all the little tasks, negotiations and compromises that make up everyday life. (Presumably, the writer Vladimir Nabokov didn’t even lick his own stamps.) On the interpersonal level, great minds suggest that dissonance and friction are like licking your own stamps and running your own errands Like, wasting unnecessary time — or, worse, signs that a relationship is in jeopardy. According to this line of thinking, a great friendship is one of uninterrupted companionship and complete harmony, a friendship that lasts a lifetime. Broad CityAbbi and Ilana are where they are most intertwined.but even in Broad City, a show entirely dedicated to the fun of friendship, Abbi and Ilana at odds in nearly every episode, if only briefly. Alpert would say it’s a matter of course. Disagreement and compromise are key parts of friendship. They teach us openness, acceptance and resilience. If we let them, they will make us more whole.

good enough life Often reminds me of my friend Julia, my Abbie from Ilana, the English teacher I often disagree with. She and I are city girls, neutral at best about nature, and I’ve always been puzzled by her love for the English Romantic poet William Wordsworth, who extols the virtues of nature and solitude above all else. His often taught poem “The World Is Too Much for Us” bore me with its salty refutation of modern city life – “to get and consume, we waste our power”. When I asked Julia why she wasn’t equally angry, she told me that she thought nature was Wordsworth’s “thinking stuff”—things he happened to be working on, things to ruminate on. “I don’t think thinking material will open your mind or make you like the idea,” she said. “I think it works the other way around.” For Julia, it’s nice to be invited to “think with others.” Of course, this is one of the joys of our friendship. We are always giving each other new thinking material.

We also quarrel a lot. We are born brawlers and love to fight, but we also have many deep-seated disagreements and disagreements. It was frustrating to me that some of our arguments might not be resolved for a while. Now, this is one of the most important parts of our 24-year friendship. I love knowing that we can endlessly challenge each other while remaining endlessly loyal to each other. Alpert dedicates a lot of time to this knowledge, and to him it shows the “good enough” truth: no perfect friend will align with you. It’s an energetic joy to find out time and time again that your friends are being nice to you. Of course, to discover this with anyone else, you must be able to accept and value imperfections and divisions in your relationship. This ability is key to Alpert’s worldview, and it requires us to recognize that “being a good enough parent” Being a great or perfect parent, friend or lover is difficult and unparalleled in terms of offering”. It is achievable and sustainable – unlike being a great or perfect parent, friend or lover – so it requires long-term determination and commitment.

Determination is the foundation of quietness and its greatest contribution good enough life. It connects the individual with politics, which Alpert does not explicitly do. Just as he asks us to make up our minds in our intimacy, he also asks us to make up our minds in our relationships with the political world—interestingly, he details this in a chapter devoted to the good-enough self.Elsewhere in the book, Alpert’s us very broad, but in this chapter his us is an activist. He often assumes that readers are improving their society in some way, and asks them to accept the fact that if their work is only – or inflexibly – aimed at ideals, it is unlikely to lead to what we see Smaller, shorter-term changes.Often needed; and accepting that, in his words, striving for greatness alone does not lead to Kind or enough. He also paid tribute to WEB Du Bois, reminding us of “the history of the struggle” [is] A path to good enough”, not utopia; many times we must seek “good enough to live…in a terrible world”.

Read this article in the context of the Supreme Court’s overturn Roe v Wade For me, it felt like a kick in the ass. I’ve always been in complete despair about this, and frankly still do, but Alpert’s argument against greatness is at its core an argument against abandonment.even before Dobbs, too many Americans don’t have access to good enough abortion care — which, in my interpretation of Alpert’s thinking, means that anyone who wants to prevent or terminate a pregnancy can have access to dignified, adequate, and quality care. This kind of care may not be available for years and decades to come.Our country will not provide enough Abortion care for the foreseeable future, even if we can provide OK Abortion care is a difficult reality in some places. However, I appreciate Alpert’s reminder that kindness and enough are not easy to come by – we need to be resilient enough and determined enough to fight for them individually and together.Kansas’ recent vote against a constitutional amendment that would pave the way for banning abortion is an example of protections enough. it’s right Kind care there, but it’s still a crucial decision.

Progress is slow, and rarely, if ever, in a straight line. Therefore, pushing for a better society requires not only patience and flexibility, but also tolerance for mismatches and contradictions. Alpert invites us to accept this fact. He also invites us to welcome the contradictions in our own efforts to live kindly and decently. You can see this consideration in food writer Alicia Kennedy’s popular newsletter, in which she repeatedly asks and helps her readers become aware of the ethics of the food they eat, but also repeatedly acknowledges Focus only on “individual choices when it comes to the ‘morality’ of food, not the system as a whole.” For Kennedy, it was important for the food media to stop saying “eat a bag in the face of historically poor labor conditions in their factories” Pleasure is taking care of yourself”; it’s also important not to blame people for eating what is affordable and accessible, whether that means buying a bag of Ruffles. Keeping these two truths in mind and acting on them is a great example of what Alpert claims is complex enough.

Food writing is aptly suited to being good enough.exist More home cookingnovelist and culinary essayist Laurie Colvin wrote: “Cooking is like love. You don’t have to be particularly beautiful or very charming, or even very exciting, to fall in love. You just have to be interested in it. So is the food.” good enough life The exact same argument is made about the world itself. You don’t have to be great to live a good life; you don’t have to be a moral genius to live a good life. All you have to do is stay interested, keep your eyes open, and don’t give up. Frankly, I can’t think of a harder way to get through each day, but I’m still ready to pursue it.

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